There will be no statistics in this article, no dry facts, no hyperbole. Instead, there will the plea for everyone to stop what they are doing for just a minute and think about the people in their lives and recognize the good people and being thankful for them. And for that minute, to think about the fact that domestic violence is not the silent scream any longer, not hiding in the shadows among the topics that we don't talk about in public. It is not something that happens to "other" people. Sadly, domestic violence affects every single person, whether it is directly or indirectly. Every community is affected by it. Domestic violence does not discriminate in any way- not for sex, race, religion or income.
The experts, and there are plenty of those, say that most abusers as well as their victims come from a history of abuse, part of the never ending cycle of abuse. That is probably true, at least in part. But every case is completely different. For me, abuse was something I wrote about, watched television shows about and read about but nothing that I was familiar with. The quiet street I grew up on did not have any of the screaming neighbors that tore the silence of the still nights apart with their acrimony. There were no embarrassed neighbors meeting at the mailbox, sunglasses on whether the sun was shining or not. My own parents rarely raised their voices at each other and when they did it was usually to ask a question from where they were instead of finding the other.
I was twenty. I was twenty and trapped, or thought I was, sick of living the safe life in first my parent's home and then my grandma's. The guy was younger than me and definitely not the safer of any options. The first time he hit me, I was floored, completely and utterly shocked. His anger was so unreasonable, so unexpected and so unjustified that I could not even wrap my head around what was happening. I left, barely aware of what was going on. He apologized and I went back and the cycle began.
It is a long and tragic story, one that few are comfortable hearing and fewer who have been forced to listen. It makes no sense that I stayed and no one who is on the outside would understand it even if I tried to explain. I won't. It doesn't matter any more. I made it out, finally and once and for all. Now, I will do whatever it takes to make domestic violence a topic that we are all aware of, not just for October, but everyday because it affects us all, all of the time.
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